whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
