And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
