I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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