I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
