Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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