Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
