if i can run in heels then i can drive
i think i have herpe
just one?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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