it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
