I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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