I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
