My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
50% drunk capacity currently
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
