at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
