Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
