Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
