That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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