38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
