so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
organizing the empties. That sober.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
