awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
