dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
