There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
