I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
