Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
