they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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