Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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