If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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