Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
