And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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