Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
