she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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