hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
