Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
