i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
