Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i drank out of a bidet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
