Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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