sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
