my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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