if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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