Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
