I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
