there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i out mim tonsoeep
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