I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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