So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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