Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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