I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
pray to the hookup gods
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
