i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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