o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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