the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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