i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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