I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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