i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
