threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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