come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
