Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
