I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
this hospital has no fireball
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
